[Jeremy]
C-c-c c’mon c-c-c- c’mon, go go
C-c-c c’mon c-c-c- c’mon, go go
I’m waiting for my p**no to load
My brain is gonna freakin’ explode
And now of course it’s time to hit the road
Which means I’ll be uncomfortable all day
But that really isn’t such a change
If I’m not feeling weird or super strange
My life would be in utter disarray
‘Cause freaking out is my okay
Good morning time to start the day!
C-c-c c’mon c-c-c c’mon
Go go
C-c-c c’mon c-c-c c’mon
Go go
Should I take a bus or walk instead?
I feel my stomach filling up with dread
When I get nervous my whole face goes red
To weigh the options calmly and be still
A junior on the bus is k**er weak
But if I walk when I arrive I’m gonna straight up reek
And my boxers will be bunchy and my pits will leak
Ugh, God, I wish I had the sk**
To just be fine and cool and chill
I don’t wanna be a hero
Just wanna stay in the line
I’ll never be your Rob DeNiro
For me Joe Pesci is fine
So I follow my own rules
And I use them as my tools
To stay alive
I don’t wanna be special, no, no
I just wanna survive
[Company]
C-c-c c’mon c-c-c c’mon
Go go
C-c-c c’mon c-c-c c’mon
Go go
[Chloe]
So Jenna Roland said Madeline told Jake
I’ll only have s** with you if you beat me at pool
And then she lost at pool
Deliberately
[Brooke]
That is so awesome
[Chloe]
Brooke!
[Brooke]
I mean slutty
[Jenna]
And then Madeline was all like-
[Chloe]
I’M TELLING THE STORY JENNA!
Oh my God, he’s like totally getting off on that
Ugh
[Rich]
Yo, don’t touch me, tall a**!
[Jeremy]
Sorry, I was just trying to get to-
[Rich]
Jakey D!
So what’s the story with Madeline?
[Jake]
Oh man, I shouldn’t say
But it’s a good thing I rock at pool
[Jeremy]
I navigate the dangerous hall
Focus on a poster there on the wall
Avoiding any eye contact at all
And trying hard to remain unseen
The poster’s closer now, what does it say?
It’s a sign-up for the after-school play
It’s a sign-up sheet for getting called gay
And that’s not what I need right now
End scene
I hang a left and there’s
Christine
Christine
Christine
Christine Caniglia
Christine
[Christine]
Did you say something?
[Jeremy]
Uh…
Well, that was smooth
Yeah, that was super pimp
My mac daddy game couldn’t be more limp
No time to wallow
No, instead, just clear your brain and move ahead
Accept that you’re one of those guys
Who’ll be a virgin ’til he dies
I don’t wanna be a baller
Just want some sk**s to count on
If my nuts were any smaller
They would be totally gone
If I continue at thIs rate
The only thing I’ll ever date
Is my MacBook Pro hard drive
I don’t wanna be Clooney, no, no
I just wanna survive
Michael!
[Michael]
Jeremy, my buddy
How’s it hanging
Lunch is banging, had my sushi
Got my slushie and more!
The roll was meki maki and I’m feeling kinda cocky
‘Cause that girl at Sev’ Elev’ gave me a generous pour
[Jeremy]
You’re listening to Bob Marley again, aren’t you?
[Michael]
Oh, I’m listening to Marley
And the groove is sounding gnarly
And we’re almost at the end of this song
Yeah, that was the end
Now tell me friend
How was cla**?
You look like a**
What’s wrong?
[Jeremy]
I wrote Christine a letter telling her how I feel
[Michael]
That’s progress!
[Jeremy]
yeah I tore it up and flushed it
[Michael]
Oh…
[Jeremy]
It’s still progress!
[Michael]
It’s all good
I saw on discovery
That humanity has stopped evolving!
[Jeremy]
That’s…good?
[Michael]
Evolution is survival of the fittest, right?
But now, because of technology,
You don’t have to be strong to survive
Which means theres never been a better time in History to be a loser!
Ha! So own it!
Why try to be cool when you could be…
[Jeremy]
Signing up for the play!
[Michael]
I was gonna say getting stoned in my basement
[Jeremy]
No! ! mean look who’s signing up for the play
Christineeeeee
Christineeeeee
[Jeremy and Michael]
Christineeeeee
Christineeee Conicula
[Company]
Christineeeeee
Christineeeeee
Christineeeeee
Christineeeeee
Christine Conicula
Christineeeee Conicula
[Jeremy]
I feel my body moving through the air
See my converse walking over there
Take a shaky breath and I prepare
Who cares if people think I’m lame
Christine signed I’ll do the same
I grab the pen I write my name
[Rich]
GAYYYYYY HAHAHAHHAHA
[Company]
(Laughter)
[Chloe]
I like gay people
[Jeremy]
I’m never gonna be the cool guy
I’m more the one who’s left out
Of all the characters at school
I am not the one who the story’s about
Whyyyy can’t someone just help me out
And teach me how to thrive
Help me to more than surviveeee [Company]
na na na na na na na na na
More than surviveeeeeee
na na na na na na na na na
More than survivveeeeeee
na na na na na na na na na
[Jeremy cont’d]
If this was an apocalypse
I would not need any tips
In how to stay alive
but since the zombie army’s yet to descend
and the period is going to end
I’m just trying my best to pa** the test and
surviveeeeeee
[Company]
cccccmon cccmon
survivvveeeeeee
cccmon cccmon go go
[Company]
go go go go go go go go goooo GO