MRS. LOVETT
That’s all very well, but what we gonna do about him?
SWEENEY TODD
Later on when it’s dark, we’ll take it to some secret place and bury him
LOVETT
Oh yeah. Of course we could do that
I don’t ‘spose he’s got any relatives gonna come pokin’ ’round lookin’ for him
Seems a downright shame…
TODD
Shame?
LOVETT
Seems an awful waste…
Such a nice, plump frame
Wot’s ‘is name has…
Had…
Has
Nor it can’t be traced…
Bus’ness needs a lift
Debts to be erased…
Think of it as thrift
As a gift
If you get my drift
Seems an awful waste…
I mean, with the price of meat
What it is
When you get it
If you get it…
TODD
Ah!
LOVETT
Good, you got it!
Take, for instance, Mrs. Mooney and her pie shop!
Bus’ness never better using only p**ycats and toast!
Now a p**y’s good for maybe six or seven at the most!
And I’m sure they can’t compare as far as taste!
[Simultaneously]
TODD
Mrs. Lovett, what a charming notion
LOVETT
Well, it does seem a waste…
TODD
Eminently practical
And yet appropriate as always!
LOVETT
Think about it…
TODD
Mrs. Lovett, how I’ve lived
Without you all these years, I’ll never know!
How delectable!
Also undetectable!
LOVETT
Lots of other gentlemen’ll
Soon be comin’ for a shave
Won’t they?
Think of
All them
Pies!
TODD
How choice!
How
Rare!
For what’s the sound of the world out there?
LOVETT
What, Mr. Todd?
What, Mr. Todd?
What is that sound?
TODD
Those crunching noises pervading the air!
LOVETT
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, Mr. Todd!
Yes, all around!
TODD
It’s man devouring man, my dear!
BOTH:
And/Then who are we to deny it in here?
TODD
(spoken) These are desperate times
Mrs. Lovett, and desperate measures are called for!
LOVETT
Here we are, now! Hot out of the oven!
TODD
What is that?
LOVETT:
It’s priest. Have a little priest
TODD
Is it really good?
LOVETT
Sir, it’s too good, at least!
Then again, they don’t commit sins of the flesh
So it’s pretty fresh
TODD
Awful lot of fat
LOVETT
Only where it sat
TODD
Haven’t you got poet, or something like that?
LOVETT
No, y’see, the trouble with poet is
‘Ow do you know it’s deceased?
Try the priest!
Lawyer’s rather nice
TODD
If it’s for a price
LOVETT
Order something else, though, to follow
Since no one should swallow it twice!
TODD
Anything that’s lean?
LOVETT
Well, then, if you’re British and loyal
You might enjoy Royal Marine!
Anyway, it’s clean
Though of course, it tastes of wherever it’s been!
TODD
Is that squire, on the fire?
LOVETT
Mercy no, sir, look closer
You’ll notice it’s grocer!
TODD
Looks thicker
More like vicar!
LOVETT
No, it has to be grocer —
It’s green!
TODD
The history of the world, my love —
LOVETT
Save a lot of graves
Do a lot of relatives favors!
TODD
Is those below serving those up above!
LOVETT
Ev’rybody shaves
So there should be plenty of flavors!
TODD
How gratifying for once to know
BOTH
That those above will serve those down below!
TODD
What is that?
LOVETT
It’s fop
Finest in the shop
And we have some shepherd’s pie peppered
With actual shepherd on top!
And I’ve just begun —
Here’s the politician, so oily
It’s served with a doily
Have one!
TODD
Put it on a bun
Well, you never know if it’s going to run!
LOVETT
Try the friar
Fried, it’s drier!
TODD
No, the clergy is really
Too coarse and too mealy!
LOVETT
Then actor
It’s compacter!
TODD
Ah but always arrives overdone!
(spoken) I’ll come again when you have judge on the menu!
(singing) Have charity towards the world, my pet!
LOVETT
Yes, yes, I know, my love!
TODD
We’ll take the customers that we can get!
LOVETT
High-born and low, my love!
TODD
We’ll not discriminate great from small!
No, we’ll serve anyone
Meaning anyone
BOTH
And to anyone
At all!