[Intro:]
If you’ve ever wondered why
Disney tales all end in lies
Here’s what happened after all their dreams came true
[Simba:]
Was gonna be a mighty king
Mufasa’s famous heir
[Zazu:]
Well, your little mane’s been lion-tamed
By beasts who don’t fight fair
[Simba:]
I’ve turned into the main event
For soldiers big and small
And now I dread my severed head
Might end up on your wall
Meow
[Hunter:]
Let me help this African economy
[Simba:]
Oh, my species is going extinct
Everywhere you look, death
Taking shots at my pride
Thanks for that petition
To stop a straight up genocide
[Hunter:]
Scope, set
[Simba:]
Rafiki’s brains are not a cure for AIDS
Now ebonies need ivory for pay
I don’t think Hamlet ended up this way
Oh, my species is going extinct
Oh, my species is go—
[Peter Pan:]
Every time I fly to town
I grow up when I come down
Now I’ve been stuck at age sixteen
For eighty years of puberty
In unforgiving tights
[All:]
He’s upright, he’s upright, he’s upright
[Tiger Lily:]
We’re following his leader, his leader, his leader
We’re following his leader
Wherever he may bone
[Peter Pan:]
Tee dum, tee dee
My teedle-dee’s out to play
It’s one for all
[Mermaid:]
The mermaids are wet for days
[Tiger Lily:]
This engine’s revved
[Pirate:]
There’s only one booty for me
[Peter Pan:]
Just a teedle ee rump
A teedle ee hump tee day
[All:]
Think of the fappiest thoughts
[Wendy:]
I’m a happy little thot
[Pirate:]
OK
[Peter Pan:]
Wendy is my special gal
[Mermaid:]
She’s like ninety
[Wendy:]
I’m down
The dentures never bite
[All:]
He’s upright, he’s upright, he’s upright
[Pirate]
Hope he’s bi
[All:]
He’s upright
[Hercules:]
Save my soul
Herc was on a roll
Now every god and goddess here is begging to atone
Replaced by intelligent design
The new guy’s rolling by and turning water into wine
The Romans are chanting, “Christo, Christo!”
He’s a godsend, bigger than Nero
Out with the old in with the Jew
Hero to Christo
God’s honest truth
Hero to Christo
[Jesus:]
Hey Herc, you’re screwed
[Hercules:]
The Jesus freak is super weak
[Jesus:]
I’m so divine
You see I came inside a virgin’s bod
[Hercules:]
So have I
I threw him in the Colosseum
A lion a la carte
Three days went by
He zombified
And rose up in search of hearts
[Aladdin (Jasmine):]
I’m a prisoner of war
ISIS blew up my city
They’re throwing me off a building
‘Cause they think that I like guys
A holy war
An old fantastical point of view
Carpet was burned alive,
Streamed nation wide
I can’t go back to where I used to thieve
Every turn suicide
A hundred thousand children plead
The toppling of Agrabah with Sharia law
Stop this holy war before we’re through (a holy war)
Unholy war (that’s where we’ll be)
Just refugees (send helping hands)
Instead of bans for you and me
[Simba:]
The lions are gone
[Peter Pan:]
Hair on my junk
[Hercules:]
Jesus is a hunk
[All:]
Screw Trump