Max:
(Listen, Roger, did you get chance yet to read “Springtime for Hitler”?)
Roger:
(Read it? I devoured it. I, for one, for instance never realized that the Third Reich meant Germany.)
Max:
(Yeah. How about that? Then you’ll do it?)
Roger:
(Do it? Of course not.)
The theater’s so obsessed
With drama so depressed
It’s hard to sell a ticket on Broadway
Shows should be more pretty
Shows should be more witty
Shows should be more… (what’s the word?)
Leo:
(Gay?)
Roger:
(Exactly.)
No matter what you do on the stage
Keep it light, keep it bright, keep it gay
Whether it’s murder, mayhem or rage
Don’t complain, it’s a pain, keep it gay
Carmen:
People want laughter when they see a show
The last thing they’re after is a litany of woe
Roger and Carmen:
A happy ending will pep up your play
Roger:
Oedipus won’t bomb
Carmen:
If he winds up with mom
Roger:
Keep it gay
Carmen:
Keep it gay
Roger and Carmen:
Keep it gay
Max:
(Couldn’t agree with you more. And you have our blessings, Roger, to make “Springtime for Hitler” just as gay as anyone could possibly want. So come on, do it for us, please!)
Roger:
(No, I’m sorry, Max, but it’s simply not my cup of tea. But still, fair is fair. Perhaps I should ask my production team what they think. This is my set designer, Brian.)
Brian:
Keep it glad
Keep it mad
Keep it gay
Roger:
(And here’s my costume designer, Kevin.)
Kevin:
Hello!
Keep it happy
Keep it snappy
Keep it gay
Brian and Kevin:
We’re clever, creative
It’s our job to see
That everything’s perfect
For Mr. DeBris
Roger:
(Next, Scott, my choreographer.)
Scott:
Hi there!
Roger:
(And, ah, finally… last, and least, my lighting designer, Shirley Markowitz.)
Shirley:
Keep it gay
Keep it gay
Keep it gay
Leo:
(I don’t think we’re getting to them. What should we do now, Max?)
Max:
(Watch this. Roger, listen. I think that “Springtime for Hitler” would be a marvelous opportunity for you. I mean up to now, you’ve always been a**ociated with frivolous musicals.)
Roger:
(Oh, you’re right. I’ve often felt as though I’ve been throwing my life away on silly entertainments. Dopey showgirls in gooey gowns. Two, three, kick, turn! Turn, turn, kick, turn!)
Carmen:
(Oh, Roger.)
Roger:
(It’s enough to make you heave. Nonetheless, I’m sorry, Max. I just couldn’t do “Springtime for Hitler”.)
Max:
(Why not? Think of the prestige.)
Roger:
(No. )
Max:
(Think of the respect!)
Roger:
(No, no, no.)
Max:
(Think of… the Tony!)
Carmen and others:
Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony! Tony!
Roger:
(Ngaaaaaahhhhh!)
Max:
(What’s the matter?)
Leo:
(Is he all right?)
Carmen:
(He’s having a stroke…)
Max:
(What?)
Carmen:
(…of genius!)
Roger:
(I see it! I see it! At last, the chance to do something important!)
Carmen:
Roger de Bris presents history!
Roger:
(Of course that whole second act has to be rewritten. They’re losing the war? Excuse me?! It’s too downbeat!)
Carmen:
Roger de Bris presents history!
Roger:
(But maybe… ooh, it’s a wild idea, but it just might work…)
I see a line of beautiful girls
Dressed as stormtroopers, each one a gem
With leather boots and whips on their hips
It’s risque, dare I say, S&M!
Carmen and others:
Love it!
Roger:
I see German soldiers dancing through France
Played by chorus boys in very tight pants
And wait, there’s more! They win the war!
And the dances they do will be daring and new
Turn, turn, kick, turn, turn, turn, kick, turn
One, two, three, kick, turn!
Keep it sa**y
Keep it cla**y
Keep it…
Max:
(That is brilliant! Brilliant! Roger, I speak for Mr. Bloom and myself when I say that you are the only man in the world who can do justice to “Springtime for Hitler”. Will you do it, please?)
Leo:
(Please!)
Roger:
(Wait a minute. This is a very big decision. It might effect the course of my entire life. I shall have to think about it… I’ll do it!)
I’ll do it!
Sabu, champagne!
Roger, Carmen, and others:
If at the end you want them to cheer
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
Whether it’s Hamlet, Othello or Lear
Keep it gay, keep it gay, keep it gay
Carmen:
Comedy’s joyous, a constant delight
Dramas annoy us…
Roger and Carmen:
…and ruin our night
Roger, Carmen, and others:
So keep your Strindbergs and Ibsens at bay…
Roger:
I’ll sign…
Kevin:
Sign…
Brian:
Sign…
Scott:
Sign…
Carmen:
Sign…
Shirley:
Sign…
Max and Leo:
Sign…
Roger:
Roger Elizabeth De Bris!
All:
Keep it gay!