[We fade in to a view of a door from the interior of a house. In walks Shrek. He walks down the hallway towards the kitchen.]
Young Boy
>Hold on I just got out of the shower, there’s some juice on the table
[Shrek sits down in front of the table.]
Shrek
>Mhmm, take your time
[We hear the clicking of a door being opened. Chris Hansen walks in to the room. Shrek pays him no attention.]
Chris Hansen
>You want to explain to me what you’re doing here?
Shrek
>I came looking for booty
Chris Hansen
>You came looking for s**, with an under-age boy?
Shrek
>Oh naw, I ain’t come looking for no little boys
I ain’t got no milk, no cookies, nothing. I came looking for man’s butt
Chris Hansen
>A man’s butt, excuse me?
Shrek
*Turns to Chris.* >Oh I know who you are, Chris Hansen, but see I-I calls you Chris Handsome. I watch your TV show all the time. So, you can go ahead bring them cameras and polices waiting outside. It don’t make me no difference. Now, I tell you what…I like ya and I want ya. Now we can do this the easy way, or we can do it the hard way, the choice is yours.
Chris Hansen
>Well I don’t think you and I will be doing anything, any-kind of way.
Shrek
>Ok, I-I see you choosin’ the hard way.
Chris Hansen
>Okay, cut this isn’t working, someone get this guy-
Shrek
*He tackles Chris and pins him to the table.* >Don’t make me ruin the butt Chris!
I’m a warrior!
(Chris Hansen Screams) as Shrek seemingly “ruins the butt”.