[It is night time in Bikini Bottom. A scallop crows like a rooster. The sun comes up. A fish walks by and steps on SpongeBob]
SpongeBob: Um, sir, I believe I was in line first. [SpongeBob gets up]. I spent the night! That’s how you get the best spot around here! [SpongeBob folds his blanket like a paper airplane and throws it back home. The blanket unfolds and lands on SpongeBob’s bed. SpongeBob puts on his tie and pulls it down, revealing his pants] I’m meeting my best friend for an exciting day at Glove World. [Takes out tickets]. See? ‘Glove World’! I promised Patrick we’d be first in line for the first bus to Glove World.
Fish #1: Hmm, interesting stuff. Say, do you mind if I cut in front of you?
SpongeBob: But I spend the night so that I could … uh … OK, I guess. [Fish cuts in front of SpongeBob as many more fish start cutting].
Fish #2: ‘Scuse me.
Fish #3: Pardon me.
Fish #4: Move it! [Soon enough, SpongeBob is in the back of the line. Bubble transition]
Patrick: Hey SpongeBob! Are you ready to… [gasps] SpongeBob, you promised firsties!
SpongeBob: I’m sorry, Patrick. But, we’ll still be on the first bus to Glove World!
SpongeBob and Patrick: Yay! [the bus arrives, and Sandy comes with a bag of groceries]
SpongeBob: Glove World! Glove World! Glove World!
Sandy: Spongebob!
SpongeBob: Sandy!
Sandy: Howdy, little buddy! I need your help with an experiment!
SpongeBob: Gosh, Sandy, I’d like to but I’ll miss the first bus to Glove World.
Sandy: But this is an emergancy! SpongeBob? Pleeaase?!
SpongeBob: Oh, okay! Patrick, I’ll catch the next bus! See you there! [Bubble transition to SpongeBob running on an exercise wheel]
Sandy: Operation acorn smoothie is a success!
[Bubble transition to bus stop]
Mr. Krabs: [coming out of the shoe store] SpongeBob! Boyo, you’ve got to help me. Pearl’s got her heart set on a new pair of shoes. Your job is to tell her no.
SpongeBob: But Mr. Krabs, today’s my day off!
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! [another bus drives away. bubble transition]
SpongeBob: Um. Pearl? About those shoes? No.
Pearl: No?! [cries loudly and floods the outside, SpongeBob flies out]
Grandma SquarePants: SpongeBob, help your granny cross the street, hm?
SpongeBob: Grandma? Oh … coming, Grandma. [another bus arrives and Patrick gets off, and he’s wearing a glove hat and holding a glove balloon]
Patrick: [excited] Oh man! That was the best time I’ve ever had! [looks at SpongeBob suspiciously] Oh. Hello, SpongeBob. Did you enjoy not going to Glove World with me?
SpongeBob: Oh, Patrick, I tried, how I tried! But everyone needed my help and I, uh …
Patrick: SpongeBob, you’ve got to learn to say ‘no’. Stand up for yourself! You need thicker skin like me! [rolls up his sleeve, revealing rough skin; he rubs his finger on it, and it burns it off]. Oh, hey, which reminds me. [takes off shirt] Could you scratch my back?
Spongebob: Oh, sure. [SpongeBob scratches it in disgust. Bubble transition to SpongeBob’s house]
SpongeBob: [crying] Oh, it’s true, Gar-bear! It’s true!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: It’s true that I can’t stand up for myself. I’m too soft! How I wish I had thicker skin! [continues crying]
Gary: Meow [looks at magazine and reads an article about janitor supplies. Gary gets the phone, calls, and the doorbell rings].
SpongeBob: [opens front door and sees a package] Hey, what’s this? [reading] Don’t throw out that old too soft sponge, toughen it with a new abrasive side! [not reading] Say! Gary did you order this for me?
SpongeBob: [puts on abrasive] Ah, It fits like a glove!
Gary: Meow.
SpongeBob: Thanks, Gary! You’re always there for me! Huh, I wonder how this thing works.
Abrasive SpongeBob: Why don’t ya scram you little freeloader? [Switches back to SpongeBob, who blinks, then switches back to the abrasive side] Hmph! Bottomfeeder!
SpongeBob: See ya, Gary!
Gary: Meow?
[Bubble transition]
SpongeBob: ♪I’ve got an abrasive side! Abrasive side, abrasive side! I’ve got an abrasive side, and now I can say no! Abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side, abrasive side! Now I can say –♪
Abrasive SpongeBob: No.
Fish #5: Hi, SpongeBob, could you help me carry my groceries?
Abrasive SpongeBob: Carry ’em yourself, Fishface!
Larry the Lobster: Hey SpongeBob, how about little help with this sun tan lotion, huh?
Abrasive SpongeBob: Don’t you think you’ve had enough? All you’re missing is a bowl of butter!
Larry: Butter? Yipe!
SpongeBob: Hey Grandma.
Grandma SquarePants: Why, hello SpongeBob.
SpongeBob: I’ve got an abrasive side, now!
Grandma SquarePants: Why, that’s nice, dear. SpongeBob, would you help your granny across the street?
Abrasive SpongeBob: Sorry, Granny, why don’t you walk yourself across the street.
SpongeBob: [soft voice] Have a nice day, Grandma. [Grandma looks both ways and tries to cross, but there’s cars coming. Bubble transition]
Sandy: Howdy, SpongeBob! You’re right on time to help me test out my new disappearator. It’ll make anything disappear instantly. Now hold still and I’ll just shave a few inches off the top of your noggin.
SpongeBob: Why certainly, Sa-
Abrasive SpongeBob: [knocks the Disappear-Rator out of Sandy’s hands] No can do, ya Brainless Lab Rat! I have better things to do than to be your test monkey!
Sandy: Brainless? [Disappear-Rator lands, and makes Sandy’s head disappear. Bubble transition to The Krusty Krab]
Mr. Krabs: Ahoy there, SpongeBob! I need you to work an extra 17 hour shift tonight!
SpongeBob: Oh, sure thing Mr…
Abrasive SpongeBob: Sorry, Krabs. I’m busy! Unless you’re paying me overtime.
Mr. Krabs: Overtime? O … o … o-ver-time [Flips through dictionary] Overtime? Hm, let’s see here. Over, oversold, overspend, ah! Overtime. “More money per hour” … [Screams] What a filthy, disgusting word!
[Bubble transition to Squidward watering his garden as SpongeBob walks by]
Squidward: Oh fun. I suppose you want me to play some stupid game, or you’ll just follow me around all day and never ever leave, huh? [sprays SpongeBob with hose]
Abrasive SpongeBob: [snaps fingers] ‘Fraid not, Schnozward! I wouldn’t hang out with you for all the money in Krabs’ mattress!
Squidward: [hugs Abrasive SpongeBob, cries, and smiles] You don’t know how long I’ve waited to hear those words!
[Bubble transition]
Patrick: Hey, SpongeBob! You’re right on time for our play date
SpongeBob: Oh, I can’t wait…
Abrasive SpongeBob: …to ditch you…
SpongeBob: cause you’re my best friend…
Abrasive SpongeBob: …so beat it tubby, I don’t care for your company!
SpongeBob: Well, Patrick, are you ready to have some fun?
Patrick: I don’t know! [cries and runs home]
SpongeBob: [walks in his house and looks in the mirror] That’s weird. I wonder what’s wrong with Patrick.
Abrasive SpongeBob: Don’t you remember? We told that pink freak to BEAT IT! In fact, we’ve already insulted all of your rotten friends, and no one will hang out with you, ’cause you have no friends left, Mr. LoserBob LonelyPants! [laughs evily]
SpongeBob: [screams] Patrick! Patrick! Patrick Patrick Patrick! [runs over to Patrick’s house and knocks, Patrick shows his face]
Patrick: Yes? May I help you?
SpongeBob: Yes Patrick, help me get this abrasive side off my back! You’ll help me, won’t you, buddy?
Patrick: [shivering] I don’t know, are we buddies?
SpongeBob: Patrick, you know the answer to that question is-
Abrasive SpongeBob: No! Why would I want to be friends with a big loser like you?
Patrick: [Completely shocked, screaming. Hides back under his rock] I’m so confused!!!
SpongeBob: [screams] It happened again! [screams and runs away. Bubble transition to The Krusty Krab. Mr. Krabs is still reading out the dictionary]
Mr. Krabs: It unbelieveable. More money for service above and beyond…
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs! Mr. Krabs!
Mr. Krabs: [gasps] What do you want now, Mr. Pottymouth?
SpongeBob: But, Mr. Krabs, I would never use immoderate language like…
Abrasive SpongeBob: OVERTIME! [snaps finger]
Mr. Krabs: Arrrgh! Out, out, and STAY OUT! And don’t you come back until you’ve swabbed that poop deck you call a mouth! [Bubble transition to Sandy’s treedome]
SpongeBob: Sandy, please help me! Gary ordered me an abrasive side so that I could be more a**ertive.
Abrasive SpongeBob: Hey, Chipmunk!
SpongeBob: And now, it’s taken over!
Abrasive SpongeBob: Quiet, you!
SpongeBob: I can’t take it anymore! It’s like a… a virus!
Sandy: [speaks inaudibly]
SpongeBob: Hold on. [SpongeBob pull a string and Sandy’s head reappears]
Sandy: I said, what you want to go and do a dangful thing like that for?
SpongeBob: Well I just couldn’t say…
Abrasive SpongeBob: No!
SpongeBob: To anybody. So I got this abrasive side to help change my personality.
Sandy: Aw, SpongeBob, don’t go trying to be someone you’re not. You are who you are, and who you are is just fine!
Abrasive SpongeBob: WHO HE IS JUST STINKS!
Sandy: Golly! We’ve got to get this varmint off of you. Now, turn around… [SpongeBob turns around] and grab something heavy. [SpongeBob grabs Patrick by the pants] Now hold still.
Abrasive SpongeBob: No, you don’t scare me, Girly!
Sandy: This is gonna sting worse than a jellyfish in a bucket of electric eels! [Sandy begins to rip the abrasive side off]
Abrasive SpongeBob: Hey, what are you doing you crazy bushy-tailed rodent?! Hey!
SpongeBob: Owwwwww! AHHHHHHHHHHH!
Sandy: All done!
SpongeBob: Phew. Thank you, Sandy! You too, Patrick!
Patrick: No problem! [Patrick has just gotten a ma**ive wedgie, and the Abrasive Side growls]
Sandy: I think it’s high time we got rid of this critter. [Sandy puts the abrasive in a package, puts a “Return to Sender” sticker on it, and stuffs it in a mailbox]
SpongeBob: So long, Abrasivey! [Abrasive Side growls again] Grandma! I’ve got to apologize to Grandma! [Bubble transition to Grandma’s] Grandma? Hello Grandma, I’m sorry about earlier. So, what do ya say? Can we discuss forgiveness over a cup of your famous hot cocoa?
Grandma SquarePants: Oh, my sweet, I would love to whip that up for you right after you…
Abrasive Grandma: MAKE YOUR OWN HOT COCOA! I’M BUSY! [Thunder clap]
SpongeBob: NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SpongeBob: ♪Doo Doo Doo-doo Doo Doo Doo Doo Doo! Doo-doo Doo Doo Doo-doo doo-doo! Trying to stop it is futile. So just listen now to my Musical Doodle! Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo doo doo…♪
Squidward: [growls and Grabs SpongeBob’s lips] Would you stop that incessant babbling!?
SpongeBob: Thowwy, Thquidward.
[Squidward growls once more]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! What are you doing? It’s closin’ time! [Hands SpongeBob a mop and bucket] Now get out there and swab the poop deck.
SpongeBob: Aye-aye, mein captain.[He slides past Squidward, singing]♪Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo. Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo-doo. I’m mopping and I’m singing about the Musical Doodle.♪ [Humming. Squidward walks over to SpongeBob and gets hit with the mop]
Squidward: Would you quit it with that tune already?
SpongeBob: Sorry. It’s just so catchy.
Squidward: I don’t care. Just can it! [Walks back to the register]
Squidward: I’ll cleanse myself by listening to a little public radio. [Turns on radio. “Musical Doodle” plays]
SpongeBob: Ooh! It’s “Musical Doodle,” Squidward!♪Round and round the record spins all day. Listen again. It takes you far away. Trying to stop it is futile. So just listen now to my musical doodle! Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo…♪
Squidward: [Turns off radio] Figures you would be into that hideous pop fodder.
SpongeBob: It’s a sign!
Squidward: A sign that you’re a true boob?
SpongeBob: Yes… No! That this song and I were meant to be together.
Squidward: Great, now I hate two things.
Mr. Krabs: All right boys, time to go ho-
Squidward: [Bursts out the door] FREEDOM!
Mr. Krabs: Okay, SpongeBob. Time to hit the road. SpongeBob?
[He looks up to see SpongeBob sitting at a table listening to “Musical Doodle]
Annoucer: And that’s the new song by the Sonars called “Musical Doodle!”
SpongeBob: [Sighs happily] “Musical Doodle.”
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob!
SpongeBob: Oh. Goodnight, sir. [floats out the door still singing “Musical Doodle”]
Mr. Krabs: What am I running here, a nuthouse?
[SpongeBob flies through the streets singing when a record version of “Musical Doodle” is heard and he falls down. Getting up, he sees a record shop playing “Musical Doodle.” SpongeBob happily takes out a dollar. Gary is eating his dinner when SpongeBob arrives]
SpongeBob: Oh, Gary! [Gary slithers away. SpongeBob grabs him] Just the pal I’m looking for. Want to hear my new record? [Gary shakes his head “No.” SpongeBob chuckles] I knew you would! [He puts him down and opens his shell revealing a record player. He places the record on the turntable. “Musical Doodle” plays]
Record: ♪Round and round the record spins all day. Listen again. It takes you far away.♪ [SpongeBob joins in with the song]
SpongeBob: ♪Trying to stop it is futile. So just listen now to my Musical Doodle.♪ [continues singing until late into the night]♪Listen again to the Musical Doodle.♪ [He looks up to see Gary is already asleep] WHOO! Let’s spin that record one more time! [Just then, he looks at the clock reading 9: 00] Wow. It’s late. I have to get to sleep. [He takes the record off the turntable and puts it back in the sleeve] Come to bed when you’re ready, Gary. [He walks upstairs to his bed humming. He climbs into bed and sighs happily. Suddenly, he hears himself whistling the song. He covers his mouth, but he still continues whistling it. Thinking quickly, he takes a cork and plugs up his mouth. His holes make a hollow whistling to the tune. He wakes up] Oh, fine. I’ll just listen to it one more time to get it out of my system. [The scene cuts to him downstairs listening to the song]♪Round and round the record spins all day. Listen again. It takes you far away. Trying to stop it is futile. So just listen now to my Musical Doodle. Listen again to the Musical Doodle!♪ [Giggles] Let’s listen to it one more time. [He puts the needle on the record again]♪Round and round the record spins all day.♪ One more time!♪Round and round the record spins all day.♪
[The next morning at the Krusty Krab, a sleepy SpongeBob is standing at the grill in the kitchen]
Mr. Krabs: Pushin’ your luck a bit, aren’t you, kid? [SpongeBob looks up to see him standing in the doorway to the kitchen] You were nearly late this morning. You got to be more concientierous or I’ll have to start dockin’ your pay. Oh, yeah. That’s what I’ll do. [He whips out a tambourine and starts dancing] Doo dee doo, doo dee doo, doo doo doo! [SpongeBob cowers in fear as he shakes the tambourine at him] Musical Doodle! SpongeBob! Wake up, boy-o! Don’t you need some patties to get started there?
SpongeBob: Of course. Yes, boss! [He dumps a bucket of Krabby Patties onto the grill]
Mr. Krabs: Just focus on makin’ them patties, boy-o.
SpongeBob: Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo… [Gasps, giggles nervously. Mr. Krabs walks back to his office and closes the door watching SpongeBob. As soon as he leaves, SpongeBob’s legs start bobbing up and down]
SpongeBob: ♪Think you control it, but it’s way too hard. Every time it plays, there’s an electric charge.♪ [He covers his mouth] Hang on. Hang on. Play that last part back for me. [He presses his tooth like a rewind button which rewinds the song. He presses the play button which plays the verse that goes “Think you control it, but it’s way too hard.”] That’s it! I shouldn’t try to control it. I should stop fighting the Doodle’s infectious groove. [comes into the restaraunt with a Krabby Patty on a plate]♪Trying to stop it is futile. So just listen now to my Musical Doodle!♪ [He lands at a table and gives the Krabby Patty to Martha Smith. He then cartwheels to the next table and gives Lonnie a Krabby Patty]♪Think you control it, but it’s way too hard. Doo doo doo-doo doo-doo doo doo doo!♪
Lonnie: Young man? [SpongeBob is still singing and dancing] Excuse me, young man. [SpongeBob keeps singing] I asked for no onions!
SpongeBob: Gonna listen again to the Musical Doodle!
Lonnie: What is wrong with the youth of the ocean today?
[SpongeBob slides up to Frankie-Billy. As he gives him his Krabby Patty, he splashes soda in his face]
SpongeBob: Every time it plays, it’s an electric charge! [He dances over to another table] The sound in your head is brutal. Now you’re infected by the Musical Doodle. [Harold reaches for his patty, but SpongeBob keeps taking it away] Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo-doo. [He places Harold’s patty on top of Abigail-Marge’s patty and walks off] You’re gonna listen again to the Musical Doodle!
[At a table, a customer is eating his Krabby Patty. He turns around and sees SpongeBob still singing]
SpongeBob: ♪Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo-doo! Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo doo-doo!♪
Fred: [Groans in disgust] I can’t eat like this. [He gets up and leaves the table]
Frankie-Billy: Me neither! [He leaves his table as well as everybody else. In his office, Mr. Krabs is sleeping on a stack of coins when he wakes up]
Mr. Krabs: That door squeak sounded decidingly disgruntled. [He opens the door and notices the customers leaving] Me customers! [He pushes the floorboard up causing the customers to fall back and on top of each other] Why are you running off?
Martha Smith: I never got my fries!
Harold: I never got my patty!
Frankie-Billy: I got drenched in soda! And it was all because that yellow idiot keeps singing an annoying song!
[Mr. Krabs looks up and growls as he looks at SpongeBob humming “Musical Doodle” while washing a table]
Mr. Krabs: SpongeBob! You gotta cut out that singin’, boy! It’s repellin’ me profits.
SpongeBob: Mr. Krabs, I’ve tried and I’ve tried, but it keeps playing over and over in my mind.
Mr. Krabs: Uh-huh. Stop singin’ that song! One more outburst out of me and I’ll send ye home for the day!
[SpongeBob gasps. Meanwhile, in the kitchen, as he stands at the grill, he tries hard not to sing, but while straining, he closes his eyes, but they sing “The Musical Doodle!” SpongeBob keeps them shut]
SpongeBob: Keep your trap shut! It wasn’t my trap! [Suddenly, he hears his holes on his back singing. He takes a bunch of corks and plugs them up] One more outburst like that and Mr. Krabs will send you home for the day! Okay! Okay! But I feel it building up inside of me! [He covers his face, still trying not to sing. The scene then cuts to the kitchen all trashed. The walls have the word “Doodle” written all over them, the grill is tipped over, ropes of buns hang from the ceiling, ketchup and mustard bottles are stacked up, and most of the floorboards are torn up. SpongeBob stands hugging himself and humming goofily. Mr. Krabs walks into the kitchen]
Mr. Krabs: [Gasps] What in blazes are you doing? That’s it! You’re done for the day!
SpongeBob: Trying to escape is futile! [He runs out on all fours]♪Doo doo doo-doo doo doo doo-doo! Doo doo doo doo-doo! The Musical Doodle!♪ [He runs past Sandy who walks into the restaurant, laughs maniaclly]
Sandy: What’s his deal?
Squidward: Oh, he’s obsessed with his artless pop tune.
Sandy: We gotta help him quick. He could be in great danger.
[SpongeBob runs through town]
SpongeBob: ♪The song that you ran from is back again. You wonder if the madness will ever end.♪ [runs by Patrick standing]
Patrick: Hey, buddy!
[Sandy, Squidward, and Mr. Krabs run after him]
Sandy: Come on, Pat! We need your help!
[SpongeBob, still humming, dances to his house. He crawls up the side and into the porthole window. Sandy kicks the door down as she, Mr. Krabs, Patrick, and Squidward enter]
Sandy: SpongeBob!
Patrick: SpongeBob! Where are you? [He looks up to see SpongeBob on the ceiling]
SpongeBob: Doo doo doo-doo! The Musical Doodle!
Patrick: SpongeBob! Hold still. This won’t hurt a bit.
SpongeBob: Huh?
Sandy: Get him! [She and Mr. Krabs grab him and pin him to the floor. Patrick pounces on them. SpongeBob is taped to a chair. Sandy looks at him through a magnifying gla**]
Sandy: Just as I thought. You’re suffering from a condition known as “Earworm.” You see, when your brain becomes stuck on a catchy tune, you’re spectable with earworm infection and you’ve got a nasty one there.
[In SpongeBob’s head, a little green worm sits in his rocking chair listening to “Musical Doodle”]
Mr. Krabs: Let’s just rip the little s**er out!
Sandy: Hold it! We can’t do that. It might damage his brain. The only way to drive the earworm out is with another catchy tune.
Mr. Krabs: Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I got one! It’s an old sea shanty me and me mates used to sing on the high seas. [He puts a sailor’s hat on his eye, singing]♪It be drowsy and wet on the mighty high seas, for I need a boat for rapid disease. Oh, mateys. Oh, mateys. Don’t ever weep! If I so ever sleep, cast me into the deep!♪ [He glares at the earworm in SpongeBob’s head and is still listening to the Musical Doodle] He ain’t budgin’.
Sandy: I’ll be darned if anyone can resist a Western song while wearing a Western hat. Come here, you! [She pulls out a guitar and places a miniature cowboy hat on the earworm, singing]♪Oh, life on the prairie is lonesome indeed. Not a friend in sight among the rustling weeds. So, when I get lonesome, I don’t have a conniption, I just fire up my friend, Generator Contraption!♪ [The earworm throws the cowboy hat away] That only seems to have made him madder. We need somebody with really musical talent to get rid of this thing.
Squidward: Alright. I’ll do it. But only because you required an artist of such high talent.
Sandy: Oh, right. Squidward. You play that little doohickey.
Squidward: It’s called a clarinet. [He takes his clarinet and walks over to SpongeBob. He begins playing his clarinet. The earworm falls out of his chair. As Squidward keeps playing, the earworm, wearing a fedora and carrying a breifcase, slips out of SpongeBob’s head and slithers away]
Sandy: You did it! Drove the little critter out!
Patrick: Hold still, buddy! [He rips the tape off SpongeBob, as well as most of his skin. SpongeBob runs to Squidward and gives him a hug]
SpongeBob: Oh, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Squidward!
Squidward: Alright. You’re greatful. Now leave me alone. [He pushes SpongeBob away and hugs him again. At night, Squidward climbs into bed]
Squidward: That was a near little tune I came up with today, if I do say so myself.
[As he closes his eyes, the earworm slithers across his head, slips under his eyelid, and into his head. As Squidward begins humming, the song he played earlier begins playing in his head]
Squidward: Oh, yeah. That’s catchy stuff, Squiddy. Catchy stuff. Mmm-hmm. [Screams]