(Spoken)
Statler: It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow men
Waldorf: And if that spirit goes not forth in life, he is condemned to do so after d**h
Statler: To witness what he can not share, but might have shared and turned to happiness
(Singing)
Both: We’re Marley and Marley. Avarice and greed
Statler: We took advantage of the poor. Just ignored the needy
Both: We specialized in causing pain, spreading fear and doubt
Waldorf: And if you could not pay the rent, we simply threw you out
(Spoken)
Waldorf: There was the year we evicted the entire orphanage!
Statler: I remember the little tykes all standing in the snow bank
Waldorf: With their little frostbitten teddy bears!
Both: (laugh) Ooooh
(Singing)
Both: We’re Marley and Marley. Our hearts were painted black
Statler: We should have known our evil deeds would put us both in shackles
Both: Captive, bound, we’re double-ironed, exhausted by the weight
Statler: As freedom comes from giving love
Waldorf: So, prison comes with hate
Both: We’re Marley and Marley
Ghosts: Whoooooo
Both: We’re Marley and Marley
Ghosts: Whoooooo
(Spoken)
Waldorf: True, there was something about mankind we loved
Statler: I think it was their money!
Both: (laugh)
(Singing)
Both: Doomed, Scrooge! You’re doomed for all time!
Waldorf: Your future is a horror story, written by your crime
Both: Your chains are forged by what you say and do
Ghosts: So, have your fun; when life is done, a nightmare waits for you
Waldorf: Funny?
Statler: Money?
Both: We’re Marley and Marley
Ghosts: Whoooooo
Both: We’re Marley and Marley
Ghosts: Whoooooo
Both: We’re Marley and Marley and now it’s time to part
Waldorf: To go back where they keep our kind
Statler: The wretched and the heartless
Waldorf: The news we shared has got you scared
Statler: We’re glad that we got through
Waldorf: So make amends
Statler: And make some friends
Both: The future’s up to you!
Both: We’re Marley and Marley
Ghosts: Whoooooo
Both: We’re Marley and Marley
Ghosts: Whoooooo
Both: We’re Marley and Marley
Ghosts: Whoooooo
All:Change!