SHAKESPEARE:
My days are so busy it’s making me dizzy
There’s so much I gotta do
There’s lunches and meetings and poetry readings
And endless interviews
Gotta pose for a portrait
And how I deplore sitting there for eternity
Then it’s off to the inn
Where my innkeeper friend
Wants to name a drink after me
Then it’s back to my room, where I resume
My attempt to write a hit
Just me and my beer and the terrible fear
That I might be losing it
And it’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS:
It’s really, really hard
So very very hard
SHAKESPEARE:
I make it look easy but honey believe me
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s so
SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS:
Incredibly hard
So inconceivably, unbelievably hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s hard to be the bard
[spoken] Honestly, I don’t know how I do it. There’s only so much of me to go around
I’ve got so many fans
With so many demands
I can hardly go take a piss
MANSERVANTS:
He can’t pee
SHAKESPEARE:
Be it theater-freak or
The autograph-seeker
They all want a piece of this
MANSERVANTS:
Gimme, Gimme
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s a cross that I bear
I’m like Jesus, I swear
It’s a burden but I suffer through it
MANSERVANTS:
He is suffering
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s all part of the game
The trappings of fame
But somebody’s gotta do it
MANSERVANTS:
So he does it
SHAKESPEARE:
And I know, I know, I gotta go
And get back to my pen and ink
Oh don’t make me do it
Don’t make me go through it
Can somebody get me a drink?
Cause it’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s really really hard
It’s s**y but it’s hard
This bar that I’m
Raising to be this amazing!
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s so
SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS:
Annoyingly hard
So unavoidably, un-enjoyably hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s hard to be the bard, baby
[spoken] Ugh. I know writing made me famous, but being famous is just so much more fun. You see…
What people just don’t understand
Is that writing’s demanding
It’s mentally challenging and it’s a bore
It’s such a chore
To sit in a room by yourself
Oh my god, I just hate it!
And you’re trying to find
An opening line or a brilliant idea
And you’re pacing the floor
And hoping for just a bit of divine intervention
That one little nugget that one little spark
Then Eureka! You find it you’re ready to start
So now you can write, right? Wrong!
You’re not even close, you remember that damn it
Your play’s gotta be in iambic pentameter!
So you write down a word but it’s not the right word
So you try a new word but you hate the new word
And you need a good word but you can’t find the word
Oh where is it, what is it, what is it, where is it!
Blah-blah-blah, ha ha, ah-ha -UGHHHHHHHH!
VALET:
Sir
SHAKESPEARE:
Hello
VALET:
You asked for information on what Nicholas Bottom is writing. Our spy is here with the news
SHAKESPEARE:
Did he see me losing it?
VALET:
He’s half blind, sir
SHAKESPEARE:
Oh, good. Then he only saw half of it. You see what I did? Ha ha
VALET:
Oh, yes, yes, yes, wonderful
SHAKESPEARE
Speak, man. What news?
EYEPATCH MAN:
I saw Nick Bottom, I did. He paid a soothsayer to foresee what Shakespeare’s greatest play would be
SHAKESPEARE:
That sneaky little thief! Why doesn’t he come up with his own ideas!?
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
No. It is, isn’t it?
It’s really the worst
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
Makes me wonder why I didn’t think of that first
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
Hard to alleviate the pressure to create
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
Hard to do something as good as the last thing I did that was already great
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
SHAKESPEARE:
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
So hard that he is stealing from the bard
SHAKESPEARE:
Well I’ll hoist him by his petard
All that I need is a clever disguise
MANSERVANTS:
Clever disguise
SHAKESPEARE:
I’ll make him pay for his devious lies
MANSERVANTS:
Devious lies
SHAKESPEARE:
Let him do all the tedious stuff
The work that’s terribly and unbearably hard
[spoken] All right, Nick Bottom. I think Shakespeare needs to find out what Shakespeare’s next big hit will be!
Cause it’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
It’s totally hard
SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
MAN SERVANTS:
It’s hard
It’s totally hard
SHAKESPEARE & MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
MANSERVANTS:
It’s hard
It’s totally hard
SHAKESPEARE:
I’ve got fortune and fame
Everyone knows my name
I can’t help it it’s still freaking hard