MARVIN
That’s the king. Treat him nice
Use some brains; now protect him
WHIZZER
Yes, I know. Here I go
MARVIN
Play the game
WHIZZER
Please, don’t watch me
I can do it!
MARVIN
Have a little scotch
WHIZZER
sh**, I blew it
Maybe you could show me where
I fear
I’ve lost my head
MARVIN
Do you want my help?
WHIZZER
No, I don’t
I can think it through myself
MARVIN
Start again. We’ve seen the worst
WHIZZER
I’ll go first
MARVIN
Move a pawn
WHIZZER
No, sir
MARVIN
Move
WHIZZER
Where?
MARVIN
There
WHIZZER
Here?
MARVIN
Move a pawn
WHIZZER
Who?
MARVIN
Not the queen
WHIZZER
Jesus
MARVIN AND WHIZZER
Life’s a sham and
Everything is wrong
We’ve examined
Every more as we move along
MARVIN
Winning is everything to me
WHIZZER
Nothing is everything to me
MARVIN
Winning is everything to me
WHIZZER
Nothing is everything to me
Except s**…
MARVIN
Move the pawn
WHIZZER
And money
MARVIN
Good first move
WHIZZER
Quite alright
Take a turn
MARVIN
Thank you kindly
WHIZZER
Move the pawn
Move the pawn
Take my hand
Play the game
MARVIN
God you’re pretty
WHIZZER
Ah, more’s the pity
Since you need a man…
MARVIN
What?
WHIZZER
Who’s brainy…
MARVIN
Or…
MARVIN AND WHIZZER
Witty
MARVIN
Move
WHIZZER
What should I do now?
MARVIN
Move
WHIZZER
Where?
MARVIN
There
WHIZZER
How should I behave myself?
Maybe we should call it quits
MARVIN
This game sh**s
WHIZZER
Let me win
MARVIN
Yes, sir
WHIZZER
Please
MARVIN
Yes
WHIZZER
Thanks
MARVIN
Wait!
WHIZZER
Whizzer wins!
MARVIN
Wait!
WHIZZER
Whizzer wins!
MARVIN
Wait!
WHIZZER
Checkmate!
MARVIN AND WHIZZER
Life’s a sham and everything is wrong
We’ve examined every move as we move along
WHIZZER
Whizzer’s supposed to make the dinner
Be a patsy, loose at chess
Always bravely acquiesce
Clip the coupons, make the dinner
And love him
This has got to come to a stop, Marvin
MARVIN
This had got to come to a stop, Whizzer
WHIZZER
This has been a lousy but
WHIZZER AND MARVIN
Fabulous flop
MARVIN
Anyone understand?
All I want’s a kiss
Anyone understand?
WHIZZER
Don’t start explaining
I’m sick of explaining
(MARVIN) AND [WHIZZER]
And this had better come to a stop
(Whizzer) [Marvin]
Now, (Whizzer) [Marvin]
Ciao, (Whizzer) [Marvin]
Bend
This had better come
This had better come to a
This, this, this, this
WHIZZER
This had better come to an end
MARVIN
This had better come to an end
MARVIN AND WHIZZER
This had better come to an end